This one is for the brothers. If you are a lady, you may please excuse for a moment. But you can still read on, though, if you are a female; just don’t use anything you read here to ‘set us up.’ 😀
There are many single guys out there today in their late 20s or 30s who are yet to get married. If you ask them (us) why they aren’t married yet, you are likely to get response along the line of not being financially ready. That honestly appears like a valid reason on the surface.
But is the excuse of inadequate financial resources always a valid one for putting off marriage until much later?
A couple of experiences in recent years made me realize that waiting until you are financially ‘okay’ may not be ideal for everyone. I discuss here some reasons why I think this way.
In this life, you can ‘catch up’ more easily in some areas than others. Some things are time sensitive and, once you don’t do them at the right time, you can never make up the lost ground.
For instance, a massive positive change in fortune can take you ahead of your peers who seem to be doing better currently in literally the twinkle of an eye.
But this is not true with child-bearing. You cannot get married at 38, for instance, and think you can have a child as old as your friend who got married in his mid-20s and started having children almost immediately.
Yes, there should ideally be no competition when it comes to time for having children. Besides, only God determines if you will have a child immediately after you get married. But you will never know this until you get married, unless you are considering the option of having a child out of wedlock.
Perhaps, it can be said that having a child early gives you more time to be around for them when it matters most. This could also spare your child the unwanted experience of his friends thinking his father looks like a grandpa when you go visiting his school.
Medical experts also say fertility rate begins to decline faster around mid-thirties. This age and fertility article by Healthline, however, suggests the problem is more worrisome in females, though. It may pay to make hay while the sun shines more for this reason.
The ‘Open Doors’ Argument
There are some people who try to encourage single men to marry early by telling them that there are instances where things only get better financially after a man gets married.
I don’t actually believe in this sort of reasoning. I think it may be nothing but a ‘setup.’
But what if people who say this kind of thing are right? There have truly been some cases where the fortunes of some men seem to take a turn for the better after getting married.
So, you can never really tell if things will turn better for you when you do marry. I still don’t agree completely with this line of thinking. But who knows?
This is a new one, I think.
I was speaking with an older lady, who I may describe as an aunt, weeks ago when this perspective was thrown into the mix. She was trying to tell me the importance of getting married early.
The lady said something like ‘God will provide for you based on your situation.’ If you are single, feel comfortable and can’t be bothered about getting married, God will provide for you at that level. But the level of provision will be different, to match your state, if you’re married.
My kind of person doesn’t usually take in everything hook, line and sinker.
But then, I thought of a former high school classmate. This fellow was just a ‘local’ nursery/primary school teacher – the kind that probably doesn’t make up to or more than N20,000 a month – the last time we saw. Somehow, he and his family were surviving. Things may have improved now.
Brothers, I think it’s better to get married earlier, especially when interested in having a family. It is not very wise delaying if you are already in your 30s, hoping things will get better.
I know someone who waited until around 40 years of age for things to improve financially before deciding to start a family. Unfortunately, the improvements he had been expecting haven’t exactly materialised yet. He now wished he had started having family earlier.
If you have an understanding lady, especially one that seems supportive, consider getting married to her, if God approves. Just continue putting in your best to improve your situation and then hope for the best. You may decide to have no more than one child until your financial situation improves.
If you decide to not get married at all, nothing is wrong with that as well. Some won’t get married and some will but may not have a child. People often just take marriage and child-bearing as a given – something that must happen. Neither of this may matter for eternity. If you are happy and won’t commit sin without being married, that’s not bad! That’s an entirely different story, though.
This is just what I think, though. I am not a marriage counsellor or anything. Use what you can from this piece or just ignore it completely. I only thought it might be helpful to someone.